A total freak.

For those of you who don't know, I want a baby. More than anything else in this entire world - I want a baby. However, I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). What this means is that my ovaries don't release eggs, instead the sack fills with the liquid and then stays there. It is horrible. I feel like a freak. I feel like nothing I do will ever change the way I am. It will never go away. PCOS doesn't have a cure, although it is treatable and manageable. When I lose weight, the symptoms will hopeful diminish but they will probably never fully go away. I can only hope that I can get my act together and lose the weight for the sake of my sanity. I really just feel like an alien on certain days - especially today. Just knowing that I "look" funny on the inside is horrible. I'm not normal. We live in a world where people want to be unique - not me. I just want to be a normal woman & that isn't the case right now.

So I'm thinking I should stop bitching, stop complaining, and start working out and eating right so I can have a baby with the man that I love and adore. So we can be a family. But right now, that seems like an impossible task and an unrealistic dream.