Thursday, January 14, 2010

Stop bitching.

Okay, in my previous post I just said that I want to have a baby and I need to get in shape to have any sort of hope of having that happen. Well, today is that day. I guess tomorrow would be more like it. Anyway, January 14, 2010 I'm starting to eat better and workout. Now I know 6 hours of exercise in the next 2 weeks isn't much but we are moving so I need to concentrate on packing - and hey, it's more than I'm doing now.

After my ortho appointment tomorrow (today) morning, I'm going to get Jamba Juice and then it's off to the gym. Then packing for forever. Right now, I need to take a shower and then go to bed.

xoxo... Please help me stay on track!! Together, we can do this. :)

A total freak.

For those of you who don't know, I want a baby. More than anything else in this entire world - I want a baby. However, I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). What this means is that my ovaries don't release eggs, instead the sack fills with the liquid and then stays there. It is horrible. I feel like a freak. I feel like nothing I do will ever change the way I am. It will never go away. PCOS doesn't have a cure, although it is treatable and manageable. When I lose weight, the symptoms will hopeful diminish but they will probably never fully go away. I can only hope that I can get my act together and lose the weight for the sake of my sanity. I really just feel like an alien on certain days - especially today. Just knowing that I "look" funny on the inside is horrible. I'm not normal. We live in a world where people want to be unique - not me. I just want to be a normal woman & that isn't the case right now.

So I'm thinking I should stop bitching, stop complaining, and start working out and eating right so I can have a baby with the man that I love and adore. So we can be a family. But right now, that seems like an impossible task and an unrealistic dream.