Sunday, May 3, 2009


Hey guys! So this past week was really good. I lost 2.4 pounds. =] My points for Weight Watchers went down by 2 due to the amount of weight I have lost thus far, which I am actually okay with.. it means I am doing what I am supposed to do.

I made my exercise goal for April and actually surpassed the 10 hours. I did about 12 or 13, I'm not entirely sure. We switched gyms today. We were going to Body Xchange and just signed up at InShape. It is more money but it a much nicer facility. =]

I know there is no way I can lose 8.4 pounds in less than 2 days for when we go to Houston, and that being said I am hoping that I can at least lose 3.4 pounds by then which will be 20 pounds lost. I figure that is pretty decent and I will still keep my weight tracker at 25 since that was my inital goal and I still really want to reach that.

I am really nervous about going to Texas, it is the land of BBQ and meat for crying out loud! But John and I, and his mom, have decided to take a jump rope, resistance band, and go on a lot of walks. Plus there will be 5 little kids there for we will probably be running after them a lot.

Oh yeah, at the new gym, I also signed up for 4 trainer sessions. I will let you know how that goes. I promise, a new weigh-in video will go up on Monday. We were at Disneyland on Saturday and then running around town once we got back and we had a bunch of errands to run today and by the time I was home and able to record it, it wouldn't turn on because the battery was dead. So, I charged it but by the time it was done, it was too late. So I will record it tomorrow and put it for you.

Thanks again for all of your support, you guys are the best! Be sure to check my YouTube for beauty related videos as well as Weight Loss and Cooking tutorials.

Follow me on Twitter too!


Tuesday, March 31, 2009

This week..

I'm hoping that this week I will get a lot of the clutter out of my house. I have so much stuff and nowhere to put anything so it is either going to be sold (yard sale), given to good will or thrown out!!! Today I have a bunch of stuff I need to do since I was slacking the past few weeks what with being sick and not being home.. and well, just being lazy.

To Do List:
5 loads of laundry
Clean bathrooms
Prep Food
Clean Living Room
Clean up Bedroom
Reorganize and clean out Kitchen
Sweep and Mop Kitchen and Bathrooms
Put Christmas Boxes in Garage
Put away Camping Stuff
Make a good dent on the office

I have so much stuff to do that I don't want to but I really do need to this done. Once it is done I won't have it hanging over my head anymore and I will feel so much better. I can't wait until the garage and office are clean and I can have my makeup in there instead of in my bedroom. It is a daunting task and I feel overwhelmed but if I take it just a little bit at a time, hopefully I will be able to get through it all.

I have a couple of food prep videos that need to be edited and I need to do a weigh in video. PS - it's bad! =[

Okay.. gotta get this stuff done!


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Crushed, but it's all my fault.

I just got on the scale... and I've gained 4 pounds. :(

I'm going to the gym tonight, first time in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm going to the store to get fruit and veggies and going to eat only that for the next few days until we leave for our camping trip. I feel like I have completely let myself and you guys down. But hey, I can't beat myself up too much because at least I am recognizing what is going on and I can help myself get back into gear. As long as I get back on the wagon, that is all that anyone can ask of me, and all I can ask of myself.

I made a week 2 & 3 weigh in video last night and tried to upload it but something happened with YouTube and it said there was an error so I am about to retry it. It will probably take several hours for it to upload so be patient! :)

Thanks for all of your support.


Saturday, March 21, 2009

Week 3 on Weight Watchers.

So.... I recorded a video about week 2 and was going to post it but something is going on with my editing software and/or webcam and it would skip parts while just playing it back to see what needed to be edited. It was really frustrating and this isn't the first time it has happened! Well, I am buying my camcorder today and should get it in on Tuesday, so I will make a week 2 and 3 video on Tuesday when I get it.

Week 3 sucked. I didn't do anything I really supposed to. I was sick and I just didn't care. I couldn't go to the gym cuz I didn't feel good and then I didn't want to eat the stuff I should. I didn't go hog wild but at the time time, I could have done a lot better. I was really nervous when I got on the scale today, I just knew I was going to gain weight and was just praying that I stayed out of the 270s. Well I stayed out of the 270s WOOO HOO! But I also actually lost weight. I lost 1.2 pounds. I know it isn't a lot but I did a really crappy job this last week so I was happy. I am going to put my butt in high gear though so that next week will be a lot better =] Also, I lost 3.875 inches in the last 2 weeks!!!

Total weight lost: 9 pounds
Total inches lost: 9.875

The inches lost at from all over my body. =]

Thanks for all your support! You guys help me feel accountable and want to do a lot better. I promise, week 4 will be better =]


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Second week on Weight Watchers/Update

Okay... I know, I know! I have been completly MIA for the past few weeks, here and on YouTube.

I've been really into the Twilight Series books, and I finished Breaking Dawn last night. It is the best one by far. I had heard it was the best but as I was reading it (in the beginning) I didn't understand what was so great about it, then it finally clicked. Right now I'm reading Midnight Sun. It is the 5th book I suppose you could say. It is Twilight from Edward's veiwpoint. It is really good. It isn't finished, someone had leaked it on the internet and Stephenie Meyer had decided that she it would be put on hold indefinately. I'm really dissapointed about that because it is an amazing book. I love the insight into the inner workings of Edward's mind. I really hope that she will someday finish it and then maybe even write the other three books from the series in his point of view as well. Especially New Moon - that would be interesting!! Anyway, you can it at It is under the Midnight Sun section and you can download it to PDF. You can't print it, unless you can hack the encryption, but you can save it to your computer and read it.

Enough about Twilight - although I could talk about it forever.

My computer had been gone for nearly 2 weeks, back to Dell, to fix some issues I was having with the keyboard, touchpad, power supply, and to fix a USB port. Well, they only fixed the USB port and the power supply. So John is calling them and telling them they need to send someone to fix this stuff - the main reason no videos have been up in the past few weeks. I was on John's computer while mine was gone but his doesn't have the same software that mine has so I couldn't make any videos. I promise though, I will try.

I'm currently getting over being sick. EWW!! I want and need to go to the gym so bad
but the last few nights especially were horrible. Today I'm feeling better so I might go, let's pray I will be able to. =]

Anyway, my second week on Weight Watchers but okay. I kind of fell off the wagon after coming back from Disneyland but I'm trying to get back on it! I'm trying to drink my water and I have no real reason to not do so other than I forget. So, I had gained 4+ pounds after Disneyland and was really devestated. I knew I would probably gain some weight but I didn't think it would be that much since in 2.5 days, we walked over 25 miles, but I did. Well on Saturday I weighed myself and I lost those 4+ pounds and an additional 1.6! I'm very pleased. 1.6 is a great weight loss period, but to lose that (Saturday to Saturday) when I had gained weight back felt really good. I knew I would lose some of the 4 pounds but didn't think I would lose all of it or even lose more than that. So total, I am down 7.8 pounds in 2 weeks - pretty good if I do say so myself!

I haven't measured myself but I think John and I have decided that we will weigh ourselves every Saturday and measure every other Saturday since it can be a bit time consuming.

Anyway, that is what is going on for now. Hopefully this week will be better. I'm not sure I'll get in my hours at the gym this month (the 12 in the ticker) but I want to get as close to that as possible.

Thanks for all your support!


Friday, March 13, 2009

First week of Weight Watchers.

So my first week on Weight Watchers was pretty successful!

I lost:
6.2 pounds
6 inches
2 off chest
2.5 off waist
.25 off calf
1.25 off hips

I was seriously in shock!

But... then we went to Disneyland. I tried to be good but it was a bit hard. So when I got back on Tuesday, I weighed myself and I had gained some weight, even with all the walking. I figured it would happen but it's okay. I'm going to the gym tonight and tomorrow and trying to burn off some serious calories and serious pounds. As long as I haven't gained back the 6.2 pounds, I will feel okay about it.

We ate all the food that we had bought and it made the transition so much easier. I kind of fell off the wagon a bit due to Disneyland but I'm getting back on it.

We are going again March 28-30 for our anniversary and I'm a little nervous. But I figure that now that I know what happened, I can try harder to prevent it. I will eat more salad, drink more water, and try to be better in general with the whole thing.

Sorry this is a late, tomorrow is my week 2 weigh in, but we were so busy this weekend and I didn't feel like getting on the computer - what with reading the Twilight Series.

I'm already on Eclipse (the 3rd book) and I started last Friday night. Also, I have watched the movie twice, last night to be exact. I just couldn't wait for John anymore. So yeah, that's what's been going on. I will post my new results tomorrow when I find out. It might be Sunday though, not sure.

Thanks for all your support everyone!

♥ pFm ♥

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Gym in the morning

I went to the gym this morning! I did this all over body cross trainer thingy and man it kicked my butt! I wanted to quit so many times but I did a full 20 minutes and didn't give up. =] I am soooo proud of myself.

Anyway, I'm going to try to stay up today (I didn't go to sleep tonight at all) but I'm not sure if I can make it.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

GRRR. It's 1:45 and I want food.

Okay I know its late and I shouldn't be eating because it is bad for me to eat at such a late hour - in my defense, I sleep until noonish usually because I stay up so late. It is a really bad cycle that I need to quit. Anyway.. I am addicted to Pasta Roni. The Angel Hair with Parmesan Cheese to be exact. I could eat the 3 times a day, every day for the rest of my life and be in heaven. Well, it is like a million points! So, I have some activity points that I can "cash in" to have extra indulgences but I'm sure I want to. I was having such a hard time tonight with this that I went into the bedroom (I'm in the living room) and woke John up to help me deal with this. So I decided that getting on the scale might deter me. It did but not because of why I thought it would have. I'm so confused!

A few posts ago I wrote about our awesome new scale. It takes your weight, body fat percent, muscle mass percent, water percent, and bone mineral percent. Talk about cool. So I get on and it says I have lost 2.4 pounds. Woo hoo!!! Like BIG time. It has only been since Saturday at like midnight (Friday night/Saturday morning). So, I was really happy but when I wrote down my numbers and compared them, I got super confused and I'm hoping you guys can help me.

So, I lost 2.4 pounds. My fat % stayed EXACTLY the same. My water % went down 1.4. My muscle % went up 1.4. And my bone mineral % stayed the same. I thought the weight loss might be due to water weight since the percentage went down and I have been sweating during my workouts. But if that is the case then how come I lost weight when my fat stayed the same and my muscle increased? #1- How did my fat stay the same?! Oh well gotta work harder at the gym I suppose. #2- Which weighs more? Water or muscle? #3- How in the world does my scale actually work?!

So yeah, I'm totally confused. I think I'm just going to watch one more episdoe of Friends, drink some water, and then go to sleep... maybe I'll take a bubble bath with Vanilla Cupcake - that would be nice.

Anyway, thanks for reading this and if you have any ideas, please let me know. =]


PS: My keyboard is kind of messed up. I have to really concentrate on the "U" to get it to go, so if there is one missing where there should be one, that's the reason. I tried to get them all, but I'm not sure. =]

Vanilla Hair Part 2

Okay.. so I bought the Organix shampoo. $6.99 per 13 oz bottle at Target. A little pricy but definately cheaper than salon products. I have only used it once so I can't review it yet, but I definately will!


PS: The smell is amazing!

Monday, March 2, 2009

I love Sunny!

Okay, so one of my friends, Sunny, is on blogger and she is aweseome. I couldn't figure out for the life of me how to get my ticker/trackers in the side bar. I had seen that she had one on her blog and I asked her how she did it. She told me (super easy too!) and now I have it. I adore her! So Sunny, you are currently my favorite! =]


Saturday, February 28, 2009


Seriously, it might just be the best show that has ever been on television. I cannot tell you how much I adore Friends. I have every single episode on my iPod and I watch them on the plane, in the airport, sometimes even when I can't sleep at night haha. I have the box set and I record and watch nearly every episode that comes on TV. Talk about a tad of an obsession.

I don't know what it is but I truly love it. I remember being a sophomore in high school and my World History teacher watched it and it was the 9th season and it was supposed to be the last one, but they went on to do one more. Anyway, I remember him talking about how he was bummed that it was the last season (no one know they would do 10 seasons at that point). I thought it was really funny because I never really got it, also, I had never really watched it before. Sure I had caught a few episodes here and there and what-not but I had never really knew what went on with Ross and Rachel and that whole dynamic.

Anyway, I know it's kind of random but I'm just watching the one where Monica makes 12 lasagnas for her aunt and has to get rid of them because they weren't vegetarian.. anyway, I think it is the best show that ever lived and if you haven't seen it, you definately should. They air all the time on TBS. SO CHECK IT OUT!


PS. I love action shows: NCIS, The Unit, Bones, etc. but I love to laugh. I told John tonight that I think I'm more of a comedy girl than an action girl... it is definitely true!

Food and stuff..

So today John and I went to Target and the grocery store - no I didn't go to the gym like I wanted but I didn't have the time once John got home, but I am for sure going tomorrow!

So at Target we bought a food scale and a real scale. I had only intended on buying a cheapy scale but no, I saw them and fell in love with one. It tells you your body fat percent, water percent, muscle mass, and bone mineral mass. Talk about sweet! It stores all that information plus your weight for up to 4 people. I wasn't totally shocked when I saw the body fat percent but it still sucked. Oh well, can't bitch and complain about it - I have to DO something about it!

Then we went to the grocery store and we bought a mass amount of fruits and vegetables. We got: Bananas, oranges, apples, grapes, cantaloupe, pineapple, green onion (yummy in a salad), mushrooms, red bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, carrots, and cucumber. We already had lettuce and spinach at home for the base of a salad so we didn't need to pick that up. We also got light dressing, almonds for some crunch, Raisin Bran cereal, chicken breast tenders, turkey bacon (so good!), yogurt, 2 smartones, and some lean pockets.

After we got home I started prepping everything - I cut up the fruits and vegetables and cooked some chicken so that it is all ready to go to either throw into a salad or be able to snacked on. I didn't want to give myself any excuses to not do this and follow through. I am seriously proud of myself. I have some grilled chicken and some boiled chicken, and I also hard boiled some eggs - such a great snack and awesome in a salad.

So yeah, that is what we did today. We had BBQ for dinner since we are going on Weight Watchers for sure on Sunday so I am definately going to go to the gym tomorrow and hit the elliptical - I need to burn some major calories. It was a nice "one last" indulgence and worth the added time at the gym but it definately will not be a regular occurance.


Friday, February 27, 2009

What did I do to my hair?!?!?

Okay so all today and all yesterday my hair had been feeling fried... and some of last week too. I think it might have been the shampoo and conditioner that I was using - my mother-in-laws. But that is really weird because she has Nexxus Moisturizing ones.. maybe it was my flat iron or something, I'm not sure. But maybe I need to go in to the salon and get a good trim (last time she missed some spots and I still have split ends) and then invest in Chi Silk Infusion like everyone is talking about. I don't typically blow dry my hair but I do usually use my flat iron so maybe I just need a barrier.. could be. Even if that isn't the problem I should still get it. =]

On a happier note, I went to the gym and it was awesome. I'm still going to the bike for a bit when I get there but not as long as I did today and seriously, they need to make those cushions more comfortable! So today I did 25 minutes on the bike and 18 minutes on the eliptical. Maybe I will try to switch that the next time I go. Hmm... something to think about.

Also, my face feels so much nicer now that I am using Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream - seriously a must have for those with dry skin! And... I just bought Rimmel's Lasting Finish foundation in Ivory 100. The color sucks.. it is totally darker than my skin tone and that makes me so mad. =[ But I was at the gym and I had it on anyway - I probably had a line! EWW! But yeah, I had it on and I was sweating, not a lot but enough, and it totally stayed and didn't look any different. If only the shade were perfect.. Anyway, it is now 1:53 in the morning and I am exhausted, so goodnight everyone!


Thursday, February 26, 2009

First day and a slacker!

Ok... so I wasn't going to say anything but I have to because it isn't fair or right. I didn't go to the gym last night. Horrible, I know! Well, by the time we got home after John picked up his parents from the airport it was really late and I don't feel comfortable going to the gym by myself that late. Soo..... I'm definately going tonight! I PROMISE! And I'll even take a picture of me in the locker room or something lol... IDK.

Just thought I'd let you guys know.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Vanilla Hair

So, a few posts ago I talked about how I am obsessed with everything vanilla.. which is crazy because when I met my husband 3 years ago I hated it. He actually said, "But you hate vanilla!" when I told him about my current obsession.. talk about funny. So, it is so bad that I want to buy vanilla scented shampoo and conditioner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who has ever had vanilla scented hair?! Not me. I've done strawberry and coconut... but not vanilla. Anyway, I found out that Bath and Body Works has shampoo and conditioner in their Warm Vanilla Sugar scent... I AM SO ON BOARD! Well tonight I was at the drugstore and saw a brand that reminds me of Philosophy (due to the packaging) and it is called Organix. They have a vanilla scented shampoo & conditioner. Soo... I'm not sure which to go with. I've never heard of Organix before tonight so I'm not for sure... but at the same time, I've never heard that B&BW had hair products - granted I don't usually go in there and when I do, I go straight for the anti-bacterial soaps. Or should I go for the Philosophy one?! Anyway, just thought I'd see what you guys thought.


I'm a fatty and going to the gym

Hey guys... so I know the title is a little crazy but it is true. I am fat - you don't have to agree or disagree but it is the truth - and I am going back to the gym tonight. As soon as John picks up his parents from the airport, around 8 or 8:30, I will going to the gym. Not sure how long I will be there but hey, anything is better than nothing right?!

So yeah, I will do an introduction video thingy when I get back from the gym, so it won't be up until late or tomorrow morning but oh well, I will get it up.


Almost 2 AM.

So..... It is nearly 2 AM here in California and I can't sleep. I have a lot on my mind, nothing I care to really get into right now as I'm not perfectly sure who reads this as well as the fact that I'm not really sure what is going on with me currently! All I know is that I am seriously confused, having all sorts of mixed emotions and what not and trying to find a way to see through the darkness. I'm listening to Sara Bareilles - she rocks BTW. Anyway guys, sorry I have been MIA on YouTube - I haven't been home for the past week, but I go home tomorrow and will be doing a video on my new makeup bag either tomorrow or Thursday.

I hope you guys are all sleeping - well I suppose you aren't if you are currently reading this :) But I mean when I wrote this, I hope you were sleeping.

I'll be seeing you soon.


Tuesday, February 24, 2009

In's and Out's

Hey guys. So Lollipop26 and AllThatGlitters21 have done these and I thought I would jump on the bandwagon!

1. Vanilla. Anything that smells like vanilla. I have no idea why, I just love it. I think it started with Vanilla Cupcake Bubblebath from Sephora - OMG to die for!

2. Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream. I have really dry feet - gross I know but it's true. I use it and since it is a cream, it stays on and doesn't come on. My feet just absorb it like there is no other.

3. Cetaphil Moisturizer with SPF 15. I can't remember what it is called exactly but this stuff works really well. I was a bit skeptical since I have really dry skin and SPFs tend to dry out my skin. But seriously, it is awesome. I think it might work for people with more of a normal skin type and since my face is dry I might try the cream on my face... not sure though.

4. Caress Body Wash in Berry Inludging. I have used 2 other Caress Body Washes before and they are all amazing. I love them all! They clean really nicely and moisturize at the same time. The scent of this stuff just makes me go into a different place - I adore it.

1. Clean and Clear Dual Action Moisturizer. It is medicated with 0.5% Salicylic Acid. I thought this stuff would be pretty good since I love Clean and Clear's other products. NO! It worked for a few days and then when I noticed that when I would use it, it would make my skin feel dry and tight. Probably the medication in it. If you have dry skin, don't use this. It might work for oily skin since it is oil free but I don't know.

2. Coastal Scents. I have nothing good to say about this company. They are horrible with the way they treat their customers. I mean, seriously... calling someone ignorant?! Give me a break.

3. AmLactin Body Cream. My doctor told me to get this because I have red bumps on my upper arms... this stuff is an okay lotion/body cream. I mean it mositurizes pretty nice and I have heard people rave about it for feet.. but the smell is atrocious. It feels like it is burning my nose hairs off. I can't stand this stuff.

I think that is about it. I will post a video at the end of the month with my favorites for February.. if you guys are interested in it.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

New MAC addiction

Ok.. so I have a problem!!!!!

I had done some work for my mom, helping her type since she burnt her hands, and so she paid me $30. Not much but it was nice. So I looked at the sale ads for Walgreens, Rite-Aid, and Longs Drugs... I went to Walgreens and was looking at the new L'Oreal Double Extend Tubes mascara and L'Oreal Telescopic which would have been about $14 (BOGO 50% off) and then the L'Oreal True Match Liquid Foundation which was about $11 and that was BOGO 50% off too.. so I could have gotten that and one mascara for about $15 or both mascaras and that and something else for like $30... well no, I didn't do that. For some reason I decided to go to MAC. So I got in my car and went to the mall which is like 15 mins away (ON THE FREEWAY!)

So I go there and I spend $31 on concealer and Viva Glam V (Five) lipstick. I don't mind the lipstick since it all goes to charity but I didn't want to spend $30 on 4 things from L'Oreal but have no problem spending $30 on two things from MAC.. WTF!?

Anyway, I thought it was funny. So yeah, now I have a serious MAC addiction.. and you know what? I'm perfectly ok with it.


This next week and some packages!

Hey guys. So my last Coastal Scents order came in the mail today, I won't be buying from them anymore due to the fact that they called one of their customers ignorant for stating some facts that she had found out about Silica powder and then defended CS by saying they weren't the ones who were telling people to use it like MUFE HD Powder - so I will be buying the stuff I would have bought from CS on eBay, it is cheaper there anyway.

So anyway... the package came in today but it is at my husband's work since I have all my packages sent there because FedEx and UPS don't ship to our area until late at night. Well it came just after he left for lunch so it is still there with him but when he gets home I will open it and do a haul video for you guys.

Our new backpack came in too, at his office as well, and I'm super stoked! I saw it at Sports Authority since they were having a huge sale but it was cheaper online at I also bought a cosmetic bag that has yet to ship :( I measured my 88 palette and comparied to the dimensions that they gave and my palettes should fit, so here is to having our fingers crossed. Anyway.. check my YouTube ( later tonight to see the backpack and the CS order

For the next week, John and I will be at his parents house - they are going to Florida to visit Rhonda's (his Mama) sister. They leave tomorrow morning and come back next Wednesday. I will have my computer so I will be updating my blog but not sure if I will make any videos.. I have a few on here though so I might edit them tonight and then post them if you guys want to see them - just let me know =]

I hope you guys have a great week and I'll see you later tonight.


Monday, February 16, 2009

My look today!

Hey guys.. this is the look I have today. I used some MAC eyeshadows and have a tutorial on my computer but I'm sure if you guys are interested. Let me know if you like it =]
Also, I am in need of a really good cheek highlight color... if you any ideas or suggestions please let me know =]

Friday, February 13, 2009

New Update.

Hey guys, sorry I have been MIA. I need to be better about updating this thing! Haha. Anyway, Saturday was my birthday and John and I went to Disneyland. It rained on us.. not too bad until about 10 then it got heavier and then stopped around 11:30ish until 2:30 or 3 and then was a downpour! But we had a blast. We had expected to stay until midnight when they closed but we got through everything we wanted to do/see, aside from the 2 things closed due to the rain, by noon. So we had lunch up by Splash Mountain at Hungry Bear Restaurant and then rode a few more rides that we wanted to do, then we went on the train twice in a row and had some toffee and a soda to share. When we were finishing up the last part of the first time around it started to rain again (that's the downpour one) so we rode it again. After that second time we got out and walked up Main Street, more on the side under awnings and inside stores, and then got to the locker where we put our ponchos back on and got the rest of our stuff. We looked through a few stores and weren't sure we wanted to buy anything but we browsed. Then we left the park and went into the big Disney store at Downtown Disney. After that, we made our way to the Disneyland Hotel where we were having dinner at Goofy's Kitchen. We went to the bathroom and changed.. well, just our socks since we had managed to stay mostly dry from the park to the hotel. Man! It is such a difference having your socks dry, even if your shoes are a bit wet.

After dinner, we left and were on our way home, about 7:15ish. We stopped at the Glendale Galleria which is about half way between home and Disneyland. I went into Sephora and MAC and bought some stuff at MAC for my birthday. I have a haul video on YouTube that you can check out to see what I bought.

Other than my birthday, my life has pretty much been uneventful. We did learn that we are getting a big tax return though which is nice. So we are able to go to Houston in May for John's grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. We are also going to buy Annual Passes to Disneyland and are going back for his birthday and our anniversary in March. We want to go a bunch and we found out through this trip that we actually don't spend as much as we thought we did.. it is mainly just tickets and after going just 4 DAYS.. not times but actual days, it pays for itself since it is a Park Hopper and has free parking included in it and 10-15% off food and merchandise.

So anyway, thanks for reading this and I will try my hardest to update it =]

I love you all!


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Why should I use an eye shadow primer??

View my video for the full explaination.

Here are most pictures so you can better review them.

Feel free to ask me any questions you might have.

1st picture - UDPP was used.
2nd picture - No UDPP.
3rd Picture - No UDPP.
4th Picture - Left eye (UDPP). Right eye (Nothing).
5th Picture - 8 hours after the 4th picture

On the eye with nothing, the blue did not even show up.. therefore it looks a lot darker than the one that had UDPP.

Eye shadow primers help your eye shadow stay on all day, not smudge, to not crease, and decrease the amount of fall out. I believe that the fall out is due to the eye shadow not having anything to hold on to.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

A prayer... A heart... His love

WARNING: This is pretty much about me venting, crying, whining, complaining... so if you don't want to "hear" me do all that stuff, just go away now. (And I'm just going to write off the top of my head so sorry if it is scattered and full of grammatical errors.)

Why? Why is it that whenever we reach this great place, I have to screw it up? Things happen in each others pasts that we may or may not regret.. I know there are things I am not proud of but I don't regret them because they helped shape who I am today. So, if I feel like that about me, then why can't he feel like that about him and me be okay with it? Seriously, I don't understand it.

There are things that he did BEFORE we got together and never did after, so if that is the case, then why do I feel like he betrayed me in someway? I know I am completely irrational and just basically trying to pick a fight with either him, he's sleeping by the way, or with myself. I really don't know why I can't just let myself and us be happy. Maybe it is because I am so freaked out that this might actually work... well I hope it does since I married him and I don't believe in divorce. Maybe I feel like I did so many horrible things in my past that I don't deserve to be happy in my future and present. Maybe it's because I got hurt so many times in the past and mostly from one guy that my heart might never be healed again. Sure it's close but its not the same.

I wish I would have waited.. I wish he would have waited. I wish I never gave my heart to anyone but him. I wish I never would have wasted 4 years of my life on someone who really didn't care about me. I wish sometimes I never would have met John. I love him more than words could ever start to describe but I really and truly feel like I am so messed up sometimes that he would be better without me. Like if we had never met that his life would have ended up with so much better potential and with someone prettier, smarter, and a better person than I could ever dream of being.

The last boy who broke my heart was the first boy I ever gave it to... over and over and over and over again. He broke it so many times, so many different ways, ways that I never thought were capable of breaking a heart and yet when I finally let go, it hurt.. I knew it was forever. It's not that I miss him, and it's not that I wish things would have worked out because they never would have.. we were from the same world going in opposite directions.

John has always treated me like a princess, like a queen, like his everything and yet I am so terrified that I will one day have my heart broken because on that day, he will wake up and realize what a mistake he made.. and I know it will happen, I just don't know when. He has never, in the 3 years we have been together, given me a reason to doubt him, to not trust him or his words, or to think that he has the capacity to break my heart but that, for some reason, doesn't change anything. I wish to God that it did, I really do.

I look at him now, so peacefully sleeping with Bailey tucked right next to him and I wonder.. "how did I get so lucky?" And my next thought is, "When will it end?" I hope it never ends but I'm so scared.. I'm terrified. There are so many women that are better than me and I can't compete with that and I don't know what to do.

As I write this, I'm crying, scared, lonely, cold, numb... I don't know what to do sometimes. So I guess that I will go to sleep and kiss my husband, tell him I love him, and pray to the Lord above me that when he wakes up, today won't be the day.. it won't be the day when he realizes that I'm not the girl he thought I was, that I'm not the one he loves... because if that day isn't today, then maybe, just maybe I can be that girl for him and I'll be the girl in the fairytale that all the little girls want to be when they grow up.. and if it should happen that today is the day, I will cry my eyes out, leave my heart in his hands and never ask for it back simply because I can never love anyone the way I love him, the amount I love him, or the depth that I love him.

So here is to a prayer, a heart and his love...

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Where I came up with pFm

So.. just in case you were wondering where my name came from (no, it didn't just pop out of thin air) here is the answer.

I am very into writing - poetry, songs, blogs, etc. It is a great way for me to get out my feelings and emotions without always talking about it. Anyway, here is something that wrote in October and I reread it when I decided on this name.

All comments are greatly appreciated, but if you are going to be rude - just go away.

"A painted face.."
A smile is forced on her face in an effort to hide the tears, the broken heart, and the regret she carries everyday. The world sees her as perfect, delightful, and amazing at the same time she sees herself as a sinner, a troubled soul, and an embarassment. The world sees the smile she paints on her face knowing nothing of the problems and worries that plague her spirit, knowing not that she cries herself to sleep at night in some attempt to deal with the pain. She speaks to no one of her sorrows and regret - instead they slowly eat her alive. Each day it gets harder to pretend it is all okay and mask the tears behind her facial facade. She wonders when this nightmare will be done with and she can awake again and then she realizes that her life is this nightmare. She does not know how to cure or heal the pain in her heart so she paints her face into a smile while the tears she sheds slowly start to seap through her make up.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A baby...

So for those of you who don't know, John (my husband) and I are trying to have a baby. Just one little thing in the way, I have PCOS (Poly cystic Ovary Syndrome) which basically (in my case) means that I don't ovulate. No ovulation = No baby.

I love the show One Tree Hill and on tonight's episode (Jan. 5th) we find out that Peyton is pregnant with Lucas's baby, they are engaged to be married. They have the cutest scene at the end which I have attached. I cried my eyes out like a little baby and still am because I want that to be me.

It really seems like every time I turn around someone is pregnant or having a baby or something. It just feels like everyone is getting what I want. I really can't even begin to explain the amount of feeling I have towards this. It isn't just a "phase" and I'm so sick of people saying, "Just wait, your time will come." or "Let you and John just be married, there is plenty of time to have babies in the future." Whenever I hear things like this I really just, at the top of my lungs, want to scream, "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT SO BACK THE FUCK UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE!"

It is really the most intense pain and void and feelings of sorrow that I have ever experienced. The pain is like this dull, nagging, ever present feeling that really just won't ever go away. I try to not think about it, and yeah, there are days when I don't. Then again, there are days when that is all I think about. And it really doesn't help when I have people bragging about it and "showing off." I don't know. I really am happy for the couples who get pregnant, especially the ones who are trying. But I always feel jealous about it too. When a couple who weren't trying but got pregnant I just feel like it isn't fair at all. I always wonder, "Why them? Why not us? We were and are trying." It's not that they won't love their baby as much as we would love ours, I'm pretty sure I wasn't planned and neither of my two sisters were, but when you want something so much it seems like your life is on hold.

I don't necessarily feel like I'm putting my life on hold, I just feel like it has kind of taken over my thoughts and actions a bit more than I wish. I know a baby is A LOT of responsibility and I really hate it when people say things like, "You know.. when you have a baby you won't sleep, you will have to feed it at 2, 3, 4 in the morning. You will always be tired and you can't just give up if it is too hard." Like WTF?! Do you really think I'm that fucking stupid? This isn't something that I just decided on over night. No, John and I have talked about having a baby for so long, way before we got married. We started trying on our wedding night because we wanted to do it the traditional way... Meet, date, fall in love, he asks for my hand in marriage, my dad says yes, he asks, I say yes, then plan a wedding that is beautiful.. THEN have the baby. I didn't want to be pregnant when we got married.. I didn't want to get married because I was pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, marriage isn't for everyone and yeah, sometimes accidents happen. It was just something that John and I talked about and decided on for us.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really want a baby and while the scene is absolutely adorable and, honestly, I can't stop watching it, it makes me cry and think of what I don't have.

Anyway, if you are actually reading this, thank you for reading it in it's entirety.


Monday, January 5, 2009

Coastal Scents Micas, Oxide, and Gel Liners Swatches

Hey everyone. Here are the swatches I told you about on my Coastal Scents Haul video on YouTube.

Front left to right the colors are..

Top Row:
Paradise Diamond Pearl Mica
Antique Silver Mica

Middle Row:
Chameleon Violet Mica
Amethyst Mica
Salamander Pink Mica
One of the blue ones that I got that was mislabled as Metallic Pearl Bronze Mica but it is either Cellini Blue (aka True Blue) or Metallic Sapphire Mica
Chromium Oxide Green
Black Mica

Bottom Row:
Platinum Gel Liner
True Black Gel Liner

All the products were used on top of Urban Decay Primer Potion. I used the best lighting I could find to give you the truest color possible. Please keep in mind that if you purchase any of these, the coloring might be off slightly from what you see and may not show up as pigmented if you do not use a primer and/or a different one.

Thanks everyone!

Just a little thing..

Hey everyone! I hope you will follow me on here as well as on YouTube. Check out what is going on in my life as well as what makeup and hair products I buy and use and teach you how to use, combine, and work with.

Nicole (pFm)

My YouTube channel: